Just remember to breathe...

Robbie has been living in Dallas for a week now... Its been the hardest week I've had since my postpartum depression days..

Tonight, Lia can't seem to sleep longer than 2 hours without waking up hysterically crying. Mind you still asleep, so it took some time to actually figure out why.. After getting her out of bed, a little splash of water and forcing her to walk around, she tells me she is crying because she misses her daddy and can't have good dreams.. It hurts to see her missing him so much. We made a quick call to wake daddy up and have him sweet talk her back to sleep and me telling her she "needs to go pick out a dress for Cinderella's princess ball".

I feel exhausted, I haven't slept a solid night since he left.. I can never really sleep in our bed at night without him next to me.. We all know I have attachment issues, with Robbie and the kids, especially with Duke. I keep telling myself, "this is all just new, a change that will get easier with time.."

I have to tell you though, I'm just super overwhelmed.. Keeping up with the kid's schedule, working (thank goodness I can now work from home), finding sitters on the weekend has been proving to be hard, even though most Family members are being really helpful. I feel like I'm drowning in laundry and chores, along with no sleep and waking up during the night with the kids and waking up early to get Lia off to school on time..

I had this idea in my head that I would not complain while Robbie is gone, if I did, I wouldn't complain to him so he wouldn't have to worry about his wife not showing strength for the kids.. Well, I think I failed that one on day 5.. I've basically isolated myself, ignoring texts and calls from pretty much everyone. I just can't deal with talking to people.

I just don't feel right anymore..part of me is missing without Robbie and I can't seem to get over it.. I don't know when I got so weak and dependent.. Is used to be thrown all sorts of curve balls and I could overcome those no problem.. My husband is gone for less than a week before I start falling apart??? What the hell is wrong with me?!  My mom pushed me to a breaking point the other day on the phone and I broke down, what's worse it was in front of the kids.. Which, of course, I promised my husband I would never do. They both came running to me and each hugging me, because they are truly amazing little kids.

Every day is a daily struggle that I know I can overcome if I just remember to breathe.. Robbie will be home for Thanksgiving in 10 days.

I can make it through this.. I just need time. I know things will be ok.. "Breathe Britt breathe."