brittani and robbie + TWO

Dumb computer!!

Our computer is officially running on its last leg. So that's why there hasn't been too many posts. Not to fear though, I got the app! Haha

Things have been interesting in our household lately.

Robbie had a laid back birthday! Went to breakfast at porcupine the day before and hung out at the house while Hailey took Lia to Disney on ice. His birthday morning was sadly spent with me at the hospital with my mother in law for my sis in law Hailey. She got her appendix out. And he asked me to make tacos for his birthday dinner!

Duke still doesn't sleep through the night. Part of me wishes he would for the sake of my sleep, especially since I now go consistently to the gym every morning at 4:45! The other part of me however, is soaking it up. Duke turns one in almost 3 months and then he won't be nursing any longer. We won't have that time alone during these dark and quiet nights. Where he is so sleepy but insists on holding my cheek and quietly giggles. Its such a sweet time that I don't think I will ever get again.

Duke is still a little cuddle bug, but only with me. Such a momma's boy! He prefers his army crawling over the traditional crawling. Saying "dadadada" all the time. He will be 9 months next week and I'm still in shock. The thought of him growing up is both exciting and heartbreaking.

You know, I've actually been begging Robbie to let us try for a third. He's absolutely refusing. Its probably better that way! I think I'm loving the idea way more than the reality!

I'm just starting to get back into shape . working my tail off with both diet and exercise! I couldn't put myself through another miscarriage, if that were to happen. And above all.... with each baby I've been getting hit harder and harder with post partum depression. These have lasting impressions on me and my confidence as a mother.

I have two amazing and beautiful, above all HEALTHY kids. A boy and a girl. It doesn't get more perfect.

Lia is working on reading. She was first in her class to get a book sent home to read. As a barely 4 year old, that's pretty impressive! I have to admit though, I don't know how to teach her. It gets me easily frustrated, I somehow lose my patience with it quickly which leads to me possibly losing my temper and I know that's just going to make her hate/struggle to read. I called Robbie crying today about it. I just can't do it anymore.. I fear it will hurt the relationship I have with her and that's not worth it. So he will be taking over that.

To be honest, I feel like I'm always fighting with myself. I'm not being the mom I want to be or the mom I once was. I'm really struggling to change that.

No patience
Losing temper
Exhausted all the time
Tired all the time
Keeping up with cleaning and laundry? Yeah, that was going excellent up until about a couple of weeks ago.
And cooking? Let's just say I can't cook a meal anymore without injuring myself.

What the hell happened to me? My confidence is just dwindling every day and I don't know why. I sort of feel like I'm just totally failing at life right now. I used to talk to Robbie about it all the time, which helped but he's expressed that its too hard for him to listen to all the time when he has everything else to worry about. He tries to be as supportive as he can but I know he doesn't really understand. I have some really good days though!

Sunday it was 72° and breezy, just such a nice day! Robbie and I took the kids to daybreak lake and walked around the entire lake! The kids were quiet the entire time and robbie and I just got to talk about all sorts of stuff. That was a really good day for all of us, I think. But especially me!

Not to worry about me though! I've been really focusing on giving myself the time I need. I go to the gym while the house sleeps but I'm still working on not feeling guilty leaving them while they are awake. Progress is progress though!!

Britt